If you’ve ever attended, or been involved in a wedding, I’m sure at some point you’ve asked yourself, or someone else: “Why did they do that?” or “What’s the significance of that?” Well, today I hope to dispel, and demystify some of these ancient traditions. Some of them are still very much entrenched in today’s wedding ceremonies.
Who gives a crap?
I know, I know… such language from a wedding officiant. But I wanted to see if you were still with me.
So, let’s visit the tradition of giving away the bride. Now, for more info on this subject, you can read through some of my previous blogs where I discuss this in somewhat greater detail. Today, we’re discussing the tradition of this. not pontificating on whether or not we should still be doing this.
”Who gives away this woman to this man today?” or “Who gives this bride to this man today?” This is a tradition steeped in not so great human history. Whereas the woman (bride) was thought of as a piece of property, that the father could in essence transfer “ownership” from himself to another (the groom). Even though this may not sit right with most of you, it is today considered something done in regards to honor, and show respect to a bride’s father, in order to show he sends his blessing to their marriage,
Your honor, I object!
Ok, before I get in to this next one, let me say this: I have never asked, nor will I ever ask this, in any of my ceremonies I perform. In fact, most officiants I know have never asked this.
”Does anyone here object to this marriage?” This was a customary thing that happened throughout all marriage ceremonies centuries ago. We’ll cover both reasons:
1.) Back then travel between towns was long and hard, Communication between towns was difficult as well. So, sometimes someone may get tired of their family in one town, and then move on to another, eventually falling in love, and wanting to get married. However, because it was even more difficult to divorce the spouse you left in the other town, many times people would just move forward with getting married, without dissolving the first marriage. Thus, it was necessary for those performing the wedding to ask if anyone objected, to allow someone who may know the other family in the other town to protect said family, and discourage any further behavior from anyone else.
2.) Recalling that women were sometimes thought of a property, many times the father would receive a dowry, or land, in order for the suitor to marry the daughter. Many times, the father may be dishonest in his dealings with the suitor, unbeknownst to them, and this would allow someone to speak up and alert the groom of the discrepancies.
A well kept secret
The bridal veil, and not seeing each other before the ceremony, are one in the same when it comes to this tradition. You see, back in the day it would be very common for arranged marriages, Often times, the couple did not know each other, and had never met. Keeping the bride hidden, or hiding her face with a veil, would prevent the groom from possibly running from the altar if he happened to dislike her appearance. I know, this is another tough pill to swallow, but times were very different centuries ago.
🎶 It’s a nice day for a white wedding 🎶
There are quite often misconceptions about how this tradition started. Many believe it has religious connotations to it, but that’s simply not the case. In terms of wedding traditions, this one is actually a “new tradition”. Wearing a white wedding dress dates back to Queen Victoria, who wore the first white wedding gown.
Back then, women usually wore their nicest dress to their wedding. Royalty, of course, had the finances to purchase new clothing for special occasions. So, when it came time for weddings, they could commission a whole new wardrobe for the affair. White material was seldom used, as it was difficult to maintain, and keep clean. However, being the trendsetter she was, once Queen Victoria decided on white for her special day, that’s all it took. Since then, this “tradition” has continued on to present day!
Would the real bride please stand up
Bridesmaids… without them, what is a girl to do? But why do we have bridesmaids, and why do they have to look the same? So, bare with me, this one is a little on the strange side. We have to remind ourselves, thoughts, ideas, and beliefs were a little different than they are today.
Originally, bridesmaids were dressed identically to the bride in an effort to confuse evil spirits, and even bandits, who might try to kidnap the bride! Even though they all still dress the same, for the most part, their tasks have changed slightly over the years. Today, they help assist the bride in getting dressed, and helping her day go smoother by taking on various jobs throughout the day.
Right hand(ed) man
I get this question asked quite a bit right before we head down the aisle: “Which side does the groom stand on?” Honestly, today is doesn’t matter much. Stand on whatever side you and your spouse have agreed upon. Traditionally, the groom stands on the right (my left) and the bride on the left (my right). Why is that? Because back in the day, it was common for men to carry a sword. Historically, the sword was worn on the right hip. If a challenge arose during the ceremony, the groom could quickly draw his sword, and address the issue without fear of hurting or harming the bride.
Let them eat cake!
We’re actually going to cover two traditions with this one, as they both play a part in the wedding day festivities. During the Middle Ages, instead of cake, bread was served to the guests. Sugar wasn't readily available, and often time other sweeteners were very rare and expensive. Many cultures, it would be customary for the groom to sprinkle bread crumbs over the brides head as a symbol to show he would provide for her and/or to show he now “owned” her.
As cake became more common, it would be difficult to hold and sprinkle it over the brides head, so it became common to smear the cake on the bride in place of sprinkling the bread. Today, we’re a little kinder (well, some of us are) by simply feeding cake to each other.
It’s a toss up
Tossing the bouquet and the garter belt is such a staple of wedding receptions, but why do we do it? According to ancient wedding history, the brides dress was considered good luck. So, other women attending would try to rip apart the dress. To escape the women from tearing her gown to shreds, she would toss her flowers as a distraction and run!
Throughout the centuries, it morphed in to bouquet being tossed up in the air to the single ladies attending (superstition says whomever catches the flowers will be the next to marry). As this new idea caught on, the garter toss became the men’s variation of the flower toss. In this way, they could highlight who was single at the celebration, and possibly match them up.
We’ve cover quite a few of our common traditions here. History always has a way of seeping in to our every day lives. Which one are you excited about, or not looking forward to? What other odd traditions are you considering for your wedding day?
And as always, if you need additional help with creating a ceremony that’s unique as you, contact me today!